A couple of my friends have an interesting way of referring to things when they do anything that could be described as “emotional.”
They refer to it as having a monkey brain and openly mock it. Now they don’t do this with every emotion just the ones that they’ve deemed to be unimportant or not conducive to their beliefs.
One of the most interesting ones is jealousy. Now jealousy is often noted as the “ugly emotion”. Which if people only act on jealousy it can produce some ugly results.
However there are some good things about this “green eyed monster.” For one thing if you feel a sting of jealousy while your partner is out with someone else it means you still care about them and how they spend their time. You would rather it was with you and not spent elsewhere.
Guess what, good!! If you didn’t feel that sting at all I’d be questioning the whole grounds for the relationship. It’d mean you honestly and entirely don’t care.
Now to reiterate a little bit of jealousy = healthy. A lot of jealousy = destructive and terrible outcomes.
My friends are in an open relationship and for the first time one of the partners has entered a relationship with another person. The other partner has had a couple other relationships but this is their first time on the other side of this spectrum.
It has been interesting to watch as both partners work their ways through the problems of a new relationship inside of their well established one of many many years. One of the things that I think is contributing a massive amount to the “monkey brain” is the fact that they are treating this new relationship with the same weight (a lot of time in public situations with more weight) as theirs of ten years.
While the partner in the new relationship is still going through the honeymoon phase. Always sitting with the new partner, holding their hand, and basically acting like they are only friends with their partner of ten years.
It is not surprising at all to me that a little bit of jealousy sneaks in every once and awhile.
In all honesty it upsets me that the relationship that has been ongoing and growing for so many years is being stunted and neglected in such a way. I support people who seek open relationships but I think everyone involved needs to respect all the relationships instead of tiptoeing around the new one trying not to break it.
I understand that new relationships are fragile but if you are a person wanting to involve yourself in an open relationship with someone who is already in a long term mature relationship then you need to be understanding that that one will mean more than your own new one. Relationships are an investment into one another and you don’t have the same amount of history, support, life experiences, and as unromantic as this is time.
As a post that started out about a phrase that I find strange and odd for many reasons it ended up being about something I really have no grounds to speak about since it is not my relationship… but I did it anyways.